What Parents Must Know About Child Behavior Management And Anger
I'm sure that none of you have ever had dramas over playing on a computer. But at my house it is a common occurance. This morning Kieren, my 14 year old, was up and all ready for school before 7am. When I woke up he said to me, "mum, I have done all of my chores and I would like to know if I can please have a go on the computer".
I said "yes" as I wanted to let Kieren know that I noticed he was being so well organized and I was proud of his efforts. All was fine until my younger son came out into the kitchen and saw his big brother on the computer. He immediately said, "Kieren, get off the computer. It's my turn". Hmmm... isn't sibling rivalry great?
Well, Kieren was not the least bit impressed with his brothers demands. But Sam didn't want to listen. He just wanted his turn on the computer. Even though he wasn't ready for school he was going to fight for his turn.
I listened to the argument while I was working in the kitchen. Eventually I had to step in and help poor Kieren. I told Sam that he needed to stop arguing or he would miss out on a go later in the day. Alas, he decided to keep on complaining.
The end result was that I had to ban Sam from the computer for that whole day because he wouldn't calm down enough for me to reason with him. But that was his choice. He really had got himself worked up into a frenzy over not much at all. About this time Kieren bailed and left for school. Now there's a smart kid.
Sam jumped on the computer and started playing a game, totally disregarding my pleas to leave the computer alone. I actually had to usher him out the door to school as he tried to refuse to hop off the computer. He wouldn't budge until I turned the computer off on him. He was pretty angry.
We as parents and carers need to be aware that when children are angry they cannot think rationally about things. They will always need some time to calm down. So we should not try to talk to kids when they are in that frame of mind.
Sam is still at school now, but I think perhaps when he gets home he might have an apology to give me. I think by then he will have realized how stupid his thoughts were this morning, at least I hope so. and we will have a chat about it tonight sometime so that he can talk through his feelings. But he will not be on any computer in my house tonight, that's for sure. He needs to learn that his behavior was not acceptable, and I will teach him this by giving him a consequence of missing out on computer time tonight.
We cannot control the way our kids act but we can control how we react to their behavior. I gave Sam a ban on the computer for a couple of days to teach him a lesson about being angry without due cause. And I have also decided to talk to some school counselors to see if they can help Sam learn a few helpful hints about how to deal with anger in a more constructive way.
It is not a bad thing to have problems with your children. Believe me. I have four children and plenty of drama in my house. The key is in the way you deal with it. Happy Parenting!
